I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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