dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
