if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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