just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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