Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
