totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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