Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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