I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I lost the right to judge tonight
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
