dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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