Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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