we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
