Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
