im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
