I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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