after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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