Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
