Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
