I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
