I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I pour the whiskey from now on
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize