Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
