I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
