wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
