Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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