my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
