We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
