I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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