dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
