i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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