I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
