Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
