I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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