I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
