R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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