He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
bring money and cleavage
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
