I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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