Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
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