How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
