im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
