dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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