I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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