There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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