my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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