this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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