If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
