everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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