You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
