she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
soo... how was my night?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
