And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
