idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
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