This is not my ceiling
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
