god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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