So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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