Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
