before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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