if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
