don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
