He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
