The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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