Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
