1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
