is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
