so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
