i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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