i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
