i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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