At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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