I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i came on her dog
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
