I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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