She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize