there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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