She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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