It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
