You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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