Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
