So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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