just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
