Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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