I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize