I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
