why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I would fuck him just for his dog
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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