I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
